and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
