if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
