i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize