I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
