Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out mid-signature
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
