do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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