just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize