Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
