he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
