Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
