if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
