He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
