Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
