epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
