is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
