So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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