We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize