just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
