the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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