i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
