Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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