im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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