So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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