I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
