Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
