he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am mentally ready for anal.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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