we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
