you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
