Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
