He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
