who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
