you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
