Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
