What did we do last night that was yellow?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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