i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize