I cockslap morals
This house was built for laser tag.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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