I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
