Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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