a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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