I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
