We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
