Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
