You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
