The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just high enough for therapy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
