What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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