the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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