drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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