The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
