I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
