I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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