I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
