I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
