if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
