I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
