I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I touched a dick in church today
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize