3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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