ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
