i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
