Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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