Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
