Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
