how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
