My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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