Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
