my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize