these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
