I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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