I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
