I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
