I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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