either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drake has all the answers
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
