How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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