i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
