Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
