If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
