so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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