I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
