drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
