He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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