"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
