this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
