I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
