Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
