I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
