I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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