Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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