i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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