oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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