i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
