....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
