What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
