Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
