Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
