ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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