we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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