Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
