I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
