Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
