could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
