Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
