I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
