If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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