i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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