Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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