is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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